yowza.

Anyway you can, I guess

Mind if I play through?

hahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha

Everyone's learning something today

Professor: So when humans evolved to bipedalism and were walking on two legs instead of four, their sexual practices changed and they began to have face to face sex.
Guy in back of class: Well, I mean... it's not always face to face.
Professor: Well, it tends to be the most common and most comfortable way for bipeds to have sex.
(long pause)
Professor: I assume by your silence that you disagree.

--Barnard

Overheard by: You had to say that to the Prof???
via Overheard in New York

Valley fog

Hey, it's good advice

Tourist man to girlfriend, pulling out a ring: Will you marry me?
Bag lady, interjecting: Has he made you come yet?
Tourist girlfriend, terrified: Um... no?
Bad lady: Don't marry him 'till he makes you come.

--Central Park

Overheard by: Kari
via Overheard in New York

Like Frogger, only different

Quality family time, right there

Dad: I won't tell mommy about the donut you're eating if you don't tell mommy about the cigarette I'm about to smoke.
Daughter: Okay.

--Coffee Shop, Park Slope
via Overheard in New York

Falling

Yeah, seriously!

Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously.

--Chelsea
via Overheard in New York

Great face

It starts at home, apparently

Mom to screaming girls: If you do not stop right now, there will be no tv for a week.
Girls: Nooooo!
Mom: That or a spanking.
Girl #1: I'll take the spanking.
Mom: You don't want the spanking. I will spank you so hard you won't sit for a week.
Girl #2, yelling: When are you going to beat me? I want you to beat me!

--Post Office, Staten Island
via Overheard in New York

Couger cubs

wow

No one knows what causes the “morning glory” clouds of northern Australia, but they’re striking — long rolling tubes that can stretch for hundreds of kilometers across the Gulf of Carpentaria.

Glider pilots converge on tiny Burketown in Far North Queensland each fall, hoping to “surf the glory,” riding the unique air currents that accompany the clouds.

via Futility Closet

I can't get the hang of this lingo either

50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo... No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat... No, that's certainly not it.

--Lobby, Off Broadway Theater

Overheard by: another electric guy

via Overheard in New York, Oct 21, 2009

Buff!

Um...

On Feb. 5, 1958, during a simulated combat mission near Savannah, Ga., a B-47 bomber collided with an F-86 fighter. The fighter crashed; the bomber, barely airworthy, needed to reduce weight to avoid an emergency landing.

So it dropped a 7,600-pound nuclear bomb.

The bomb contained 400 pounds of conventional explosives and highly enriched uranium. There’s some disagreement as to whether it included the plutonium capsule needed to start a nuclear reaction.

That’s rather important, because in 50 years of searching the Air Force still hasn’t found the bomb. It hit the water near Tybee Island off the Georgia coast and is presumably buried in 10 feet of silt somewhere in Wassaw Sound. But exactly where it is, and how dangerous it is, remain unknown.

Politeness counts, I guess

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

--45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

via Overheard in New York, Oct 21, 2009

Ahhhhhhh

I did not know that

Imaginary patrons of Jersey City’s Tube Bar paged by owner Louis “Red” Deutsch at the request of telephone pranksters John Elmo and Jim Davidson in the mid-1970s:

• Al Coholic
• Al Kaseltzer
• Al Kykyoras
• Ben Dover
• Butchie Pantsdown
• Frank Enstein
• Holden McGroin
• Imov Irgin
• Jim Nasium
• Joe Mama
• Mike Ocksmall
• Moe Ronn
• Oliver Closeoff
• Rufus Leakin

Elmo and Davidson recorded Deutsch’s earnest pages and the wild, vituperative threats that followed when he realized he’d been had. In the 1980s the tapes began to circulate among professional sports leagues and eventually found their way to animator Matt Groening … who turned them into a running gag on The Simpsons.

via Futility Closet

Gonna pass, thanks.

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

--Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick


via Overheard in New York, Oct 21, 2009

Apparently you get it from swimming?

Katrina: Four years ago

They're not winning

A policeman puts his hand in a bag containing dozens of spent bullet casings that he helped collect from the Morro dos Macacos slum after a shootout between drug gangs, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on October 17, 2009. A police helicopter was shot down by the gangs when it tried to intervene in the battle, leaving two policemen killed and two injured in the crash. (REUTERS/Ricardo Moraes)

The 2009 United Nations World Drug report, released earlier this year, notes that 2009 marks "the end of the first century of drug control (it all started in Shanghai in 1909)", and that the illicit drug market worldwide has now become a $320 billion-per-year industry. As drug-related violence in Mexico appears to continue unabated, and crackdowns in Afghanistan are being made against its massive opium crops, new efforts are also being made worldwide in methods of enforcement and treatment of recovering addicts. Collected here are a handful of recent images from the rough world of illegal drugs across the globe. (37 photos total)

CSI in 30 seconds

Coworker #1: There was a barn fire just outside of town. The whole barn was destroyed. The farmer was missing at first, but they found his remains in the barn. They are sending the remains to Toronto to figure out the cause of death.
Coworker #2: Burnt.
Coworker #1: Excuse me?
Coworker #2: Burnt.
Coworker #1: You are a sick fuck, know that?

Waterloo
Canadia

Overheard by: Meesh

via Overheard in the Office, Oct 15, 2009

Styx wrote a song about you people

More here

Awesome!

Just sayin'

Attendee at Microsoft event: So what's a Zune?
Zune rep: It's a music and media player that...
Attendee: So, it's an iPod?

--Cooper Union

Overheard by: Peter Pentacostle
via Overheard in New York, Oct 9, 2009

Killdozer!

Marvin Heemeyer

Have you dreamed this man?

In January 2006 in New York, the patient of a well-known psychiatrist draws the face of a man that has been repeatedly appearing in her dreams. In more than one occasion that man has given her advice on her private life. The woman swears she has never met the man in her life.

That portrait lies forgotten on the psychiatrist's desk for a few days until one day another patient recognizes that face and says that the man has often visited him in his dreams. He also claims he has never seen that man in his waking life.

The psychiatrist decides to send the portrait to some of his colleagues that have patients with recurrent dreams. Within a few months, four patients recognize the man as a frequent presence in their own dreams. All the patients refer to him as THIS MAN.

thisman.org

Sounds about right

Well, what about tomorrow?

Man selling glasses on the street: Would you like a piercing today?
Woman on phone: Hang on... What?
Man selling glasses: Would you like to get a piercing today?
Woman: Would I like a...? No, I would not like to get a piercing today. (back into phone) I love New York.

--St. Mark's St

Overheard by: Logan
via Overheard in New York, Oct 13, 2009

To serve and protect... and stuff...

Cop to guy in handcuffs: I swear to god I won't arrest you if you do 10 push-ups right now. Swear to god.

--28th & 2nd


via Overheard in New York, Oct 7, 2009

Bath!

Hand in hand

Winning their hearts and minds

We've come so far...

Black woman, looking at costumes: For Halloween I'm gonna be a slave.
Black man: For real?
Black woman: Will you be my master?

--3rd Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: Ivonna
via Overheard in New York, Oct 9, 2009

Hacking roadsigns

Mommy will protect you

Looks about right

Yes you do.

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

--30th Ave, Astoria


via Overheard in New York, Oct 7, 2009

The Berlin Reunion

Earlier this week, 1.5 million people filled the streets of Berlin, Germany to watch a several-day performance by France's Royal de Luxe street theatre company titled "The Berlin Reunion". Part of the celebrations of the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, the Reunion show featured two massive marionettes, the Big Giant, a deep-sea diver, and his niece, the Little Giantess. The storyline of the performance has the two separated by a wall, thrown up by "land and sea monsters". The Big Giant has just returned from a long and difficult - but successful - expedition to destroy the wall, and now the two are walking the streets of Berlin, seeking each other after many years apart.

Via Boston.com

Official Site Here

Awesome vid:

Soviet Blair Witch?

In February 1959, a search was organized when nine Russian ski hikers failed to return from a trek in the northern Ural Mountains. After six days, their abandoned camp was found in a mountain pass.

All the hikers were dead. Two were found on the opposite side of the pass, near the remains of a fire; three others had died closer to camp, apparently trying to return; and the remaining four were found only three months later, under 4 meters of snow in a nearby stream valley.

Apparently the victims had fled the tent suddenly on the night of Feb. 2, tearing their way out from the inside and running down the mountain. Though the temperature had been around -25° C, all were inadequately dressed, some wearing only underwear. Though the bodies had no external wounds, one showed severe skull damage and two had major chest fractures. One woman's tongue was missing.

In the end, Soviet investigators could conclude only that a "compelling unknown force" had caused the hikers' deaths. That's all that's known.

I grew up near there... explains a lot, doesn't it?

When 5-year-old May Pierstorff asked to visit her grandmother, her parents had no money to buy a rail ticket.

So they mailed her.

On Feb. 19, 1914, May's parents presented her at the post office in Grangeville, Idaho, and proposed mailing her parcel post to Lewiston, some 75 miles away. The postmaster found that the "package" was just under the 50-pound weight limit, so he winked at their plan, classed May as a baby chick, and attached 53 cents in stamps to her coat. May passed the entire trip in the train's mail compartment and was duly delivered to her grandparents in Lewiston by mail clerk Leonard Mochel.

Star light, star bright..

Hell in Paris

The Bibliothèque Nationale in Paris opened its secret collection of erotic manuscripts and art to the public for the first time in nearly 40 years on Tuesday.

The collection, amassed over 170 years, ranges from manuscripts by the Marquis de Sade to pictures of naughty nuns and randy noblemen. The trove of licentious literature is known as L'Enfer or "Hell," a name it earned in the 1830s when the library was ordered to isolate its collection of "immoral works."

Video report:

I knew I liked him for a reason

Just sayin'

Da da da daaaaa

Twilight, right?

Ever get this bored?

From xkcd.com

Ebony and ivory

Tolkien was on to something

Diminutive humans whose remains were found on the remote Indonesian island of Flores in 2003 truly are a new species, and not pygmies whose brains had shriveled with disease, researchers reported Wednesday.

Anthropologists have argued, sometimes bitterly, since the discovery of Homo floresiensis -- dubbed "the hobbit" due to its size -- as to the identity and origins of these distant cave-dwelling cousins.

Via Discovery News

oh em eff gee

Holy Crapping Cute

Yes, more elephants. Deal with it.

Mine

rawr!

Wikipedia article

Awesome!

Great for Halloween!

And I *know* I know her...

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I'm gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it's something ignorant or retarded, I'm gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No?

--Times Square

Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say
via Overheard in New York, Feb 24, 2009

I'm pretty sure I know her...

Lady: Is that your girlfriend? She has beautiful eyes.
Guy with girlfriend: Yeah, you should see her ass. Baby, get up and show her your ass.

--B Train
via Overheard in New York, Feb 24, 2009

Valid point

Tourist dressed like biker: Excuse me, do you know where the dancing monkeys are?
New Yorker: (silence)
Tourist: Dancing monkeys?
New Yorker: You're in New York, they're on every street corner.

--Broadway & White
via Overheard in New York, Feb 21, 2009

Umm...

Guy #1: So how are things going with your new girlfriend?
Guy #2: Dude--she's not my girlfriend. We're just fucking. And, like... I don't know. She's been acting really weird.
Guy #1: Weird like what?
Guy #2: I don't know! Whatever, man. I guess she and I were better off as siblings.

--McDonald's, Times Square

Overheard by: ...that's what she said?

via Overheard in New York, Oct 5, 2009

Paper-cut sculptures

The bulk of Peter Callesen’s work is made from plain white sheets of A4 paper, chosen for the symbolism as well as the color and size.

"By taking away all the information and starting from scratch using the blank white A4 paper sheet for my creations, I feel I have found a material that we are all able to relate to, and at the same time the A4 paper sheet is neutral and open to fill with different meaning. The thin white paper gives the paper sculptures a frailty that underlines the tragic and romantic theme of my works."

Check out all the amazing work of Peter Callesen here!

The smallest things

It's a living (or not)

Hobo sitting on bench: Hey man, wanna buy some soap?
Yuppie: Nah... (walks away)
Hobo: Ma'am, would you care for some shoes?
JAP: Hell, naw. (walks away)
Hobo: Hey fella, want to buy some peanut butter?
Old Asian guy, happily: Yes, please!
Hobo: I'm sorry, brother, I don't have any on me. I just wanted to do some product research for a project I'm doing. (pulls out a roll of toilet paper and a sharpie, rips out one square of toilet paper, and writes "peanut butter")

--23rd St
via Overheard in New York, Apr 24, 2009

Some Useful Condescending Phrases

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

Full list here.

Just sayin'

Angel Oak

Reportedly the oldest thing -- living or man-made -- east of the Rockies, Angel Oak is a live oak tree aged approximately 1,500 years. Some locals simply call it The Tree. It stands in a wooded area along Bohicket Road of John's Island outside Charleston, South Carolina.

More here

Unquote

If I can’t get the girl, at least give me more money.
- Alan Alda

Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.
- Alan Dean Foster

If Jesus Christ came back today, He and I would get into our brown corduroys and go to the nearest jean store and overturn the racks of blue denim.
— Ian Anderson, of Jethro Tull

Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence.
- Jules Feiffer

If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.
- Ray Bradbury

I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall live.
- Jack London (maybe)

The Valentine Phantom

Each year, in the early hours of Valentine's Day, someone scatters red hearts through downtown Montpelier, Vt.

When they first appeared, in 2002, they were simple photocopies, but by 2006 large banners were gracing the State House columns. Soon the decorations spread to the high school's chimney and a tower at the Vermont College of Fine Arts.

"Currently, there are no leads and no suspects," joked police chief Dave Janawicz in 2007, when 14 inches of snow failed to stop the bandit. "But the investigation continues."

Vermont's capital is not alone in this — for years, the same thing has been happening in Portland, Maine, and in Boulder, Colo. No one knows who does it or why.

Via Futility Closet

Hellen Keller and Anne Sullivan (1930)

Korea

One of the tallest buildings in Korea (if not the tallest) is in North Korea! It's also the most grotesque:

The World's Largest Ruin? Ryugyong Hotel, The Pyongyang Ghost Tower - an unfinished hotel, looking very atmospheric early in the morning (a new haunt for Dracula, if he is still around).

More interesting Korean things here.

Atlantis?

Formerly, the Sun was the largest object in the Solar System. Now, comet 17P/Holmes holds that distinction.



Yikes

Okay... Comet "Holmes"? Really?

Well, that explains it then...

Band name origins:

10cc
The average man ejaculates around 10cc of semen.

311
Police code for indecent exposure.

10,000 MANIACS
Inspired by an old horror movie called '2000 Maniacs'.

ABBA
An acronym for the first names of the band members: Agnetha Fältskog, Björn Ulvaeus, Benny Anderson and Anni-Frid (Frida) Lyngstad.

Read the rest of the list here