Hey, it's good advice

Tourist man to girlfriend, pulling out a ring: Will you marry me?
Bag lady, interjecting: Has he made you come yet?
Tourist girlfriend, terrified: Um... no?
Bad lady: Don't marry him 'till he makes you come.

--Central Park

Overheard by: Kari
via Overheard in New York

Quality family time, right there

Dad: I won't tell mommy about the donut you're eating if you don't tell mommy about the cigarette I'm about to smoke.
Daughter: Okay.

--Coffee Shop, Park Slope
via Overheard in New York

Yeah, seriously!

Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously.

--Chelsea
via Overheard in New York

It starts at home, apparently

Mom to screaming girls: If you do not stop right now, there will be no tv for a week.
Girls: Nooooo!
Mom: That or a spanking.
Girl #1: I'll take the spanking.
Mom: You don't want the spanking. I will spank you so hard you won't sit for a week.
Girl #2, yelling: When are you going to beat me? I want you to beat me!

--Post Office, Staten Island
via Overheard in New York

I can't get the hang of this lingo either

50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo... No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat... No, that's certainly not it.

--Lobby, Off Broadway Theater

Overheard by: another electric guy

via Overheard in New York, Oct 21, 2009

Politeness counts, I guess

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

--45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

via Overheard in New York, Oct 21, 2009

Gonna pass, thanks.

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

--Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick


via Overheard in New York, Oct 21, 2009